The inner battle continues

Once more fought the fight on court with Zinn, ultimately falling 7-6, then retiring down 4-3 in the second cuz I had to get to Raleigh for lunch. As per usual, Adam was present while I beat myself, hitting all too many double faults. I was up 4-1, feeling both footloose and also fancy free, but then I collapsed as the inner demons swarmed around my brain, which relentlessly searches for negative things to think about. --

Like, for example, how at Jack Pringle's dad's funeral the other day I grabbed a baklava as I hustled for the door and kind of pushed right past Jack's little brother who was standing there alone. I don't know him, but I knew who he was because I had just seen him speak at his dad's funeral. I should have slowed down and at least said a kind word to him. His dad just freaking died and it was his event. Literally this is the kind of stuff my brain throws at me in the middle of tennis.

I regained a little momentum late in the set and may even have had a set point.

Then, in the second set, Adam was up 3-0 after 15 minutes and we had 15 minutes before I had to leave. Adam was trying to hustle things along so he could nail me 6-0 in the second set and I was like: fuck that. So I concentrated on keeping the ball in play, making the points as long as possible. And I started winning as he made mistakes. We were tied at 3-3 and the last game was taking a while and I needed to go so I went for some winners and missed.

But I got home, showered, and hustled up to Raleigh for lunch with Jen Mangrum.