Tales from the Heartland

My mom's in town from North Carolina, and last night she brought us up to date on a friend of hers, whom we shall refer to as Janet. Some years back, Janet lost her husband to a massive stroke which befell him as he was out walking the dog. The cardio event seems to have been correlated with his considerable girth, which in turn derived from his habitual devotion to Southern food.

For many years, Janet didn't do any dating at all, spending all her time with her kids and grandkids and also coaching young debutantes to get ready for the cotillion (I kid you not). Last night mom tells us Janet is married. She started dating a guy in October, saw him monthly for a couple of months, wasn't tight enough with him to include him in Xmas, and now they're married.

Why the rush, you ask? Sex. Those crazy 60-year olds, they wanted to have sex, but thought it inconceivable outside of wedlock Reminds me of a great scene from the 1809 A Russian Gil-blas by Narezhny, when a woman believes that it is literally impossible for a friend of hers to have gotten pregnant because she is not married. I do hope Janet got a pre-nup.

So there's a little tale of the red-state mentality these days. Premature death by fat, premature marriage by fiat.