Rainy day in Jersey

Raining outside. Can't even try out my new tires, really. At least I have this funny new keyboard, bent around all funny to make me type more ergonomically. From a company they call Microsoft. I wish it had a cupholder and a picture of Shania Twain doing a rap duet with old Diff Puddy (his actual new name).

Could someone explain to me who Lindsey Lohan is? I've seen her featured on the cover of several of our finest magazines, and I don't know who the hell she is, and she's not even marginally hot, like teen stars are supposed to be. Britney Spears, a least, has well-designed silicon at work, although rumor has it that she's been taking some pointers of late from Kirstie Alley.

Was saddened to hear yesterday that an old friend got dumped and divorced not long ago for failing to perform financially. That ain't right. It's not like it was a huge surprise he didn't make a lot of money. That's the kind of thing you ought to see coming before you marry them. Rare is it for someone to remake themselves out of whole cloth just because they walk down the aisle.