Jimmy Kimmel to head Harvard

In response to the unfortunate remarks by Larry Summers on gender and quantitative aptitude last week, the Corporation of Harvard University has unanimously decided to rusticate Mr. Summers and install in his place Jimmy Kimmel, formerly of Comedy Central and ABC. Commentators are viewing the move as an attempt to appease and mollify the community of feminist scholars. Kimmel, whose tenure at The Man Show established him as a preeminent authority on contemporary gender issues, could not be reached for comment, but issued a statement through a spokesperson attesting to his desire to: "Work with the many and diverse communities within the greater Harvard community to refocus on the core missions of that fine institution, lux, and, to a not significantly reduced extent except when constrained by unforeseeable budgetary exigencies or strongly voiced alumni opinion, veritas."