Adrenaline and cathexis

I have realized that the key thing for me on the tennis court is to let everything go as quickly as possible. I must forgive myself every error, every flubbed point, right there where it happens, and get back to internal equilibrium before the next point starts  -- because I have a tendency to extrapolate wildly from each error and feel that it is a reopening of wounds from time immemorial, to flagellate myself and think that I will never get better. Which I know objectively is idiocy, yet it has been hard to fight the tendency.

Similarly, when I hit a great shot, run down or stretch for something that seems impossible, and get that charge of adrenaline and ego, I have to let go of that too, I must not read my own press and get all hyped up, because that's when I let down my guard and mean regression kicks in. Each point ends, a new one begins, none of them matter much.

So I have to consciously slow down between points to let the prior one go. I have to actively focus o my breathing, the sky, something other than the game.

Certainly I am not the first to make this observation, everybody who does any sport knows this, and I have made the observation and even written about it before, most likely.

But it was only today that I realized that the factor that I had not considered was adrenaline. When I hit a good shot, or hit a shitty one, or when my opponent does one or the other, there's always a little burst of excitement at the end of the point, but particularly when it is me who does the good or the bad thing. And in that moment my self-judgment is cathected, or infused with meaning and intensity, by the adrenaline. And that is what messes me up, and that is what I need to walk away from, to let the adrenaline die back and let me get back to a calm place.

Which was news to me.

So I beat Rob -- who has been practicing a lot -- 7-6 (7-5).