Saturday, November 07, 2009

Just minding the store

So Mary ran uptown to drop something off, and then she stopped into a little antiques store on Rosemary St, and then she thought, "I'll just pop my into Red Window" (a furniture store opened by Elizabeth Edwards promising some sort of oddball discounting of fancy chairs and whatnot). And Mary goes in and who does she find sitting there jabbering on his cellphone, alone minding the place, but mister all-teeth-and-Breck himself, Chapel Hill's own would-be President, Mr. John Edwards. He looked up from his phone and flashed his pearly whites at Mary, but kept on talking on his phone, which is, I will have you know, not considered best practice for retail salespeople. But it kind of makes sense, if you think about it: if you can't be the most powerful man in the world, you might as well be an underperforming employee of your breast-cancer afflicted wife, particularly after you sire a child by some vixen but deny it.

Or maybe he just thought Mary didn't look like she had money.


Anonymous said...

You left off the part where he enlisted staffers to lie for him, lied that it was "impossible" for it to be his child, let his wife try to help his sorry ass and gave campaign funds to his paramour. I miss the poverty center at UNC. What a meaningful institution. Hopefully his McMansion is big enough for his ego and his HUGE penis. What an inspiring figure.

Anonymous said...

during a school function a couple years ago he spent the whole time w/ his cell to ear so he wouldn't have to speak to us minions. Other dads and sons (including his boy) were playing in a pick up bball game and I so wanted him to come out and play so I could pack his shit.