Bad night

Had as bad a night of sleep as I have had for a while. I came home last night after Spruyt's bachelor party -- a tame affair to be sure - though we did eat a lot and even (dare I say it) beef. Graham and Mary were arguing about clothes, of all things, specifically what kind of clothes he should by when he goes out shopping with Granny sometime this week. It was a very complicated discussion, much of which was about him feeling like the way she talked about the ultra-casual way he dresses implied a huge value judgment she was making about him, but really it was less about her judging him than the great mass of other people out there judging him based on a super complex set of codes that he totally didn't understand.

But as Graham and I kept talking, it seemed that the real underlying issue was that he felt isolated amongst his friend group, that even his closest friends were having get togethers without him, that he was being left out and he didn't understand why.

This is a rough one. I tried to explain that people were always having get togethers and couldn't invite everyone and that he needed to just keep inviting people himself and blah blah blah, but underneath it all it's just a tough nut to crack. I have been there. On the way back from a walk with a colleague this morning I thought back to the time between college and grad school when I felt like I was left out a lot and I didn't get it (this was during the time of my peak substance abuse and mental health challenges, when I was smoking and frankly probably not bathing often enough). Then there was the time when I was in elementary school and I was preyed on by neighborhood kids in the afternoons, especially this one guy who would casually come to the door and express interest in hitting our stash of maraschino cherries and American cheese and then let the other guys in to hide under couches and tease and torture me (yeah, dear reader, you know who I'm talking about). That was some fucked up shit.

But somehow I got through it all OK, with some bumps. Now Mary and I just need to help Graham.