Being quiet, '15

Be Loud! 15 has come and gone, and it was a rousing success, as last year.  Such an incredible couple of evenings of music and people and love.

As for the music, to my mind the technical high point was Preeesh! doing the Pretenders' "Kid" with Mary Huff of Southern Culture on the Skids channeling Chrissy Hynde.  So beautiful.  This morning, as I try to sing that part, I find my voice breaking a little bit, and I start to fight back tears.

I may have shared about this in the past.  Not infrequently, when I try to sing something that is genuine and emotionally charged, it is physically and emotionally difficult for me to do so.  I start to cry.  I think it has something to do with some sort of psychic disalignment deep within me, a sense that I am perhaps doing the wrong thing in life.

I am easily bumped off course internally, a little fragile.  Just now I was reading Stephen King's interesting piece in the NY Times about being prolific, and I fell victim to that old "I shoulda been a writer" vein of thought.  So, naturally, I came upstairs and wrote.

But it is a silly line of thinking and feeling for me to be dragged down into.  There is no one thing I should be doing with my life.  I did just fine yesterday.  I raised some money for Be Loud! Sophie.  I showed up on the soccer field and played 70 minutes in 85-90 degree heat in the first game of the season at sweeper, a position I haven't played in years, anchoring a decent defense to a 4-2 victory. In the middle of the day I even roped in a solid recruit on the spot because I knew we'd be a little short-handed.

I also talked to a bunch of people (50?  60?), so that at the end of the day I was just emotionally drained.  Today, I will hang out exclusively with family, as much as possible.